How to Guarantee Failure in the Coming Year

I PLAN TO FAIL IN 2015

A new year is almost here. And I must say I have seen my share of successes this year. I've made a number of new acquaintances. I've had many new doors of opportunity open for me. I have accomplished things I never thought I could. I guess you could say, that in some ways, this has been a banner year for me. Of course I have faced my share of downs this year. But those aren't all that important right now. While reflecting on and being grateful for my successes recently, I was sitting in a book store. For some reason while I was sitting there sipping on a peppermint white mocha, I had a paradoxical moment. I decided that the labor to achieve success was no longer worth it. In that instant I said to myself, success is overrated. So much hard work, only to discover that things don't always go as planned. So I decided to change my flow and do everything in my power to no longer succeed. I realized that it didn't take much hard work to mess things up. I decided the easy road was the route for me. As I sat there I thought, “Perhaps there are others out there who are tired of being successful too.” So I decided to share 25 personal and professional tips to help all of us who fall in this category, fail this coming year and from now on. For the few people out there who disagree with my plans YOU DEFINITELY DO NOT WANT TO listen to the rest...as my plans can get a bit extreme

1) Don't be friendly. Friends have the potential to walk away from you. Who needs that drama? Then again, they can be great allies in tough times. But who cares? Right?

2) Avoid building your personal and professional network. One of the best ways to limit your "net worth" is to limit your "network".

3) Make sure you are disloyal. Loyalty to people is soooo outdated. These days, it's every man for himself.

4) Absolutely do not prepare for future opportunities. This assures that opportunities will always pass you by.

5) Blame others for EVERYTHING! So what if they were your poor choices that got you in this condition. This assures that you will never take responsibility for changing your present situation

and failure is indeed eminent.

6) NEVER forgive anyone that has hurt you. Walk around carrying anger and bitterness for the rest of your life. Of course your lifetime will be a bit shorter because bitterness only kills the person who carries it.

7) Have a vision but do nothing with it. As long as your plans remain good intentions you have already failed because you didn't try.

8) If you do start something, give up half way through. Starting but not finishing is like having a car with only 3 tires. You won't go very far.

9) Procrastinate- Always put off for next week the things that must be done today. And come up with the best excuses in the world why you didn't do them.. If necessary see tip # 21.

10) Avoid hard work at all costs- Pawn it off on someone else... or just don't do it at all.

11) Get rid of all trusted confidants and wise advisors immediately. They can really get on your nerves when they get behind you and start pushing you forward.

12) Why be kind and compassionate when you can be selfish and self centered? Life is all about YOUR happiness and well-being right? Say this with me... "NO ONE ELSE MATTERS...IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!"

13) Reminisce on all the bad decisions you ever made in your life and repeat them over and over again.

14) Constantly remind yourself of those mistakes and beat yourself up over them. People may mess this up by reminding you of your potential. IGNORE THEM and stay stuck in your past.

15) While you are at it, throw the biggest pity party you can. Invite everyone to join you in your pity party. Afterall what good is misery without company.

16) Doubt yourself and God. Obeying Him means you can't fail. So the smallest amount of doubt will help you to avoid obeying him and assures your failure.

17) Don't waste time praying! I mean if you do pray it just might work...and if you're planning to fail, you don't want to risk that do you??

18) Your health doesn't matter so pay no attention to it. Ignore all ads that say: Smoking is bad for you; Don't drink and drive, Don't do drugs; Eat healthy; Exercise and anything of the sort.

19) Burn every bridge and forget all the bridges that brought you over. Who needs people anyway?

20) Forget about having a financial plan. Spend everything you have so you have nothing left to fulfill your life dreams. Impulse buying is your friend. (especially if things are "on sale")

21) Honesty is not the best policy... LIE LIE LIE!!! This assures your failure because people will not trust you.

22) Be a hater and be as judgmental as possible. Jealousy and judgement are the order of the day. At least in your own eyes you're better than everyone else. That has to count for something.

23) Never be the student. Always be the teacher. If you aren't teachable you can never grow. Growth means progress and that is what we are trying to avoid here.

24) If there is gossip to be shared make sure you spread it as far as you can as fast as you can. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT WHETHER IT'S TRUE OR NOT. Facebook is a phenomenal way to do this. Just post it on your wall and watch peoples character be destroyed at your hands. If Facebook doesn't work, the telephone is time tested and proven to work.

25) DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF!!! So what you are valuable and special. You don't need to reflect on that. You're trying to fail here. Remember?????

This plan only works for those want to fail in the coming year. I guess, for the rest of you who actually want to succeed in 2015 and beyond, you should do the opposite of these steps to experience success and greatness beyond your wildest dreams. Wait wait wait! I just realized something. If you follow this plan and you actually fail, you were successful at something which nullifies all the tips above. I guess if you are going to go through all the steps to fail, you might as well just go ahead and use that energy to succeed. You only live once, MAKE IT COUNT